I have been waiting weeks for the inspiration to write this post and finally it has come so I had better get on with it before it goes again.
I have found my sexual identity. I am a male lesbian.
As readers will know, ever since I recovered from the physical trauma of the actual surgery, I have been grappling with the mystery of my post operative sexuality. In this chapter of my journey, I have found some wonderful helpful enlightened people.
Years ago, I remember seeing a show on SBS TV called Scarlet Road. It was about a woman named Rachel Wotton who provided appropriate sexual services to people with disabilities who would otherwise not have access. I found the program both enlightening and left me with great admiration for Rachel and her clients. But at the time, little did I know about my future. In tracking down the movie through the magic of Google with a more defined focus after the op , I found not only the movie but also links to an organisation called Touching Base. The nature and genesis of this organisation is fully explained it its website so I wont go into it here, other than to say that among its services, was a database of sex workers who, like Rachel, provided services tailored specifically for people with disability.
I wrote to Touching Base, explaining my situation and within a few days received a friendly toned reply which explained that there were no people in their database near me (not surprising as I was then living in a country town on SW New South Wales). But instead of just brushing me off with a “sorry can’t help you” response to my too specific questions, Saul, of that organisation went on to offer me some suggestions which indicated to me that they had indeed considered my needs and were keen to help.
Among the suggestions offered by Saul were contact details for two sex workers in Canberra. I wrote to these two, again explaining my circumstances and giving them the link to this blog. I received a response from one of them and as history will show, that one was all I needed. That is how I became acquainted with the wonderful Venus de Siren
So now I have a forminable team of therapists that I instantly knew I could trust and that were absolutely non judgemental. These are the type of people I like to know and interact with in my everyday life but they are, in my experience, few and far between. But I have Kym Robinson, my psychosexual therapist and following that same etymology, Venus would have to be my physiosexual therapist.
I have met with Kym three times and Venus twice at the time of writing this. The details of those encounters are personal and I am not going to share detail here other than to say that, true to their roles, one is absolutely hands off and the other is …. not. But what I have discovered is that my sexuality has indeed changed mentally and emotionally as well as physically. Hence my conclusion that I am now a male lesbian. I have discovered, with the assistance of these two marvellous ladies that my new sexual physiology is more akin to female than to male. When aroused my boy fanny responds by becoming firm to hard and behaves more like a clitoris than a penis. Digital stimulation of that little nub feels, I am told, very much like handling a clitoris and going by what I feel, the sensory response is apparently like that of a woman during foreplay or masturbation. The jury is still out about orgasm, because we don’t know what to expect. So far there is no ejeculation even though I have the mechanism (sorry fellas, its not in your beloved dick, its in your prostate) but there certainly is emission. Women are in my experience absolutely hopeless in describing their orgasm but as near as I am able to fathom, what I do feel is akin to a female orgasm. Whatever happens, it certainly provides the endorphin boost that is natural immediately post orgasm and that in turn provides my only complete pain relief. So I’m not about to stop doing it (purely in the interests of my physical and mental health of course)
PS, tomorrow 9th July, I go for yet another round of biopsies following a neck to knee CT scan two weeks ago. The magical mystery tour continues in search of the elusive Scarlet Pimpernel