Aka the post everyone has been hanging out for. Oops, perhaps not the most appropriate description.
The changes to my body and it’s interaction with my brain produce some truly weird outcomes. Now I am living alone and for the most part physically recuperated, I have time to reflect on and explore this. And I will. It is fascinating.
I get phantom erections and believe me, they feel real. Albeit a little hard to get a grasp of 😁. My poor brain has had a bit of trouble rationalising this. I had a dream a while back that if I put a condom on, I could see my dick. It was physically there, just invisible. Now we have that figured out, the brain and I, we haven’t had that dream again. But humour aside (you have to admit, it is funny) it is a useful analogy to explain to mere mortals what it feels like. No, that’s not right. Not what it feels like, it is what the experience is like.
This of course poses the inevitable question … what to do about it.
Even the most committed DIYer knows there are times to call in professional help. I had been seeing a psychotherapist periodically for more mundane mental health issues like depression (It’s very trendy to admit to depression these days), so it wasn’t a big leap to look for someone to talk about these issues with. I found a psychosexual therapist (which I was amused to discover is also known as sexology). I have seen Kym (yes of course she is a she. You don’t think I’d discuss this stuff with a bloke do you?). I’m not sure who is learning the most but it is very helpful being able to discuss what’s going on with someone who is very open and non judgemental. She is a registered nurse too. Did I tell you I love nurses? Their outlook is so open and refreshing. Oh by the way, she is also gorgeous. What can I say? I’m still a tart. Dick or no dick.
Anyway, enough fantasising. My last homework from Kym was to explore. Remember this is untrodden ground for all of us. What feels good? How good? You get the idea. Living alone is a bonus for this homework and the results are baffling, extraordinary, weird, but never depressing. For me this is what I need emotionally. Instead of boo hoohing about what has been lost, I am able to relish the adventure of what might be left to be found.