Is It Fixed

Well, in truth I wont know the answer to that question until I die of natural causes that are not cancer.

But it is actually a complex question. I find most people opt for the question “did they get it all?”. So let’s start there. To recap, the “all” people would be referring to is all the cancer. So the answer is no because there were two. One, a sneaky little low grade slow growth prostate cancer. The other, a highly agressive, too rare to be considered, primary squamous cell carcinoma (scc to its mates) in my urethra, about half way along the shaft of my penis. At the time of biopsy, six weeks prior to surgery, this scc had developed into quite a little family as the daddy had matastisised at least eight secondries which were still living close to home. If not rounded up, it is these secondaries that would charge off and find somewhere to kill me.

The good news is that the surgical team and the pathologists are as sure as they can be that this family is all now in a specimen jar in a path lab somewhere. But just in case some secondary scc’s did escape, I will forever more have regular pathological screening, keeping an eye out for malignant cells from another unknown source. The first of these is in early May.

In the same screening round, they will check my PSA levels (prostate specific antigen) to see how Mr Sneaky is getting on. Remember he is still there at this stage because he might never be removed and for now at least, not poking tjis dragon means maintenance of urinary continance and some wierd sexual function. I might write more about PSA tests at some point. But Suffice it to say, because of these tests it seems now clear that way more men die WITH prostate cancer than FROM prostate cancer. For me, we have quite a lot of baseline data against which to compare future results so for now, I am just going to surf the wave I’m on. Truss biopsies aren’t fun but I guess we might go there again one day. Then I will explain in more detail how they collect samples by sticking a sort of dildo with teeth up your bum and pull the trigger for it to nip bits off.

3 thoughts on “Is It Fixed

  1. Hiya. Am following your blog, thank you. I get that you are resigned to your fate – what will be will be – but how does it make a difference to you physically? I don’t mean ther obvious question about sex but how your body feels overall. Are you comfortable and are you content – even happy? Sorry to ask perhaps naïve questions but being a woman I cannot know how you feel (haven’t had any of my vital parts removed at this stage in my life). As always, best wishes. Anne

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    • Hello Anne, no question is naive. The naivety would be in assuming you knew the answers and you haven’t done that.
      Now that the trauma of the actual surgery is behind me (I had the last of the stitches out yesterday) physically its a bit of a non event. I don’t FEEL any different. Sure there are some oddities. eg the skin of my scrotum is hyper sensitive and this is uncomfortable as anything rubbing on it, eg underwear is like sandpaper. But I had the same sensation after fracturing my humerus and having to get bolted back together. I can’ a watch on my left wrist as a result. I will be writing a page soon trying to collect these oddities together so stay tuned.
      The other part of your question was more of the psychological. Life dramas tend to focus the mind. we all know that. As a result of those thought processes, am making some perhaps long overdue changes and I believe I am heading in the direction of long overdue contentment. It is a good question though because the whole ongoing drama seems to give me permission. I hope that makes some sort of sense. I said to my urologist yesterday that there can be an upside to being this special as long as one is open to it. But the news wasn’t all that good. I STILL have an unidentified tumour SOMEWHERE and as I said to the Doc, I’m not sure how much more special I want to be.
      Cheers
      Nilwilly

      PS its funny how things become normalised. I should add to the above that my physical feelings of wellbeing are aided by painkillers, including one oxycodone a day

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